Attachment To Perfection; One Of The Biggest Obstacles

Today’s article is going to be a bit more of a thought-stream style journal, rather than the structured, point-by-point articles I’ve been writing. If I were to objectively assess where I am in game right now, I would say I have mastered (at least the most congruent style to my personality) the art of pulling up my bootstraps, overcoming approach anxiety, stopping the girl, carrying on a fun conversation, and getting her number. I’ve done this hundreds of times over the past two (almost three years) that I can say it takes almost no effort to do so. However when it comes to converting numbers to dates, I can’t seem to get the optimal success ratio even though I can get at least three to five numbers on any given weekend.

This got me thinking about my own game. I’ve consulted online material, wings who have had more success in this area, and even friends who don’t do game but are naturals when it comes to women. Somehow, it seems though, that I still continually hit this roadblock where girls just don’t seem too keen on following up. Most guys will then immediately say that maybe pickup just doesn’t work in Singapore. But if this were true then my buddies with whom I game wouldn’t be getting the results they are getting.

So what is it that I’m doing wrong?

I gave it thought and realized that it may be my attachment to perfection. I’ve always held this belief–or limiting belief–that I only have one shot with girls, and if I fuck it up even the slightest, it’s game over. This was reinforced with no ill intention by guys who will constantly frame advice in a “you should have done this” manner, as opposed to a “ok why not try this”. I am by no means blaming them, but personally I’ve always believed that retroactive advice is only half the solution. Everyone’s hindsight is 20/20, but it takes a man who knows what he’s doing to be able to diagnose the problem and work from there. And it’s because of my attachment to running the perfect game coupled with retroactive should-have advice that I find my progress in this area massively stagnant. Books and videos can only do so much to help you, but even their examples assume that the girl responds as expected.

But it is also because of a lack of reparative advice that I was forced to constantly sit myself down and think of how to salvage seemingly lost situations when it came to approaching. However this didn’t occur often enough to produce any satisfactory results with following up. I would often drop a girl and stop texting her the very moment she throws me a curveball. And then I would just rationalize it away as “I don’t have time for this” or “I don’t need to deal with this.” While these are good “alpha male” (I intentionally used quotation marks) characteristics, it does absolutely nothing for my growth. And I have missed out on many opportunities to learn because of my “nevermind I’ll just try it on the next girl” mindset.

One thing that I think is important for anyone who wants to improve is to start thinking in reparative terms. There is merit in looking back and thinking of what you could have done to make it better. But that’s only half of it. The other half should be “where do I take it from here?“, which to me has infinitely more valuable lessons than relying on your Captain Hindsight powers and just remaining comfortably in the fact that you “know” how to run game, and that this incident was just an uncommon fuckup. I do fall into that trap too much for my own good.

Lose your need for perfection. I’ve always said that game is not perfect, but then I don’t always practice what I preach. Perhaps we all need someone to remind us once in a while as well. Too often guys wait for the perfect moment to approach, or the perfect moment to ask her out, or the perfect moment to kiss her. They dwell on this need for perfection that they fall into inaction. That’s a fault. Personally, I always believe in doing. But sometimes you do and you fail, but it doesn’t mean it’s over yet. It is more of a challenge and more rewarding to have fucked up and recover than to just run the perfect game and not learn anything from it.

Reference experience is king.

I repeat: Reference experience is king.

I write this as a reminder to myself and hopefully you readers get some value out of it. The next time you ask someone for advice and you get retroactive advice, acknowledge, thank them, and then ask “So what should I do now?” I guarantee that it will help you learn much more than attachment to perfection or a woulda-shoulda-coulda mindset.

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About the Author:

Headmaster and founder of The Social Gym, an inner circle of elite players who aim to take over the world one date at a time.