Why is body language important?
Body language— The conscious and unconscious movements and postures by which attitudes and feelings are communicated. Good body language is key to having a meaningful and engaging interaction with another human being (let alone an attractive woman). What we say isn’t nearly as important as how we say it, but more importantly, how we carry ourselves when engaging in conversation. In fact, body language makes up 55% of our communication. For example, a woman could be saying “Piss off!”, but she may actually be communicating something else, (besides “Get away from me!”), such as:
– “I like it when you playfully tease me, you’re a funny guy.”
– “I am enjoying your company, but I don’t want to show it right now.”
– “I think you’re silly but I like your antics, don’t leave.”
See the importance of sub-communication?
Body language is an important part of this. Imagine if you were talking to a girl and she was giving you signs that she likes you, but you misunderstand her. Bam, you’ve just let an opportunity for connection slip through your fingers.
Let’s pretend that you are about to call a woman you just met at a bar the previous night and want to ask her out on a date. You have a choice of two physical positions to adopt when you make the call. This is important because your body language can influence your conversation to a great degree. Although she can’t see you, she can tell how relaxed or tense you are as it will be reflected in your pattern of conversation.
Position 1: Standing in a fixed, rigid position with your legs firmly planted on the ground.
Position 2: Sitting on the couch with your arms spread out and legs slightly apart.
If you chose the first position, this may very well be the outcome: You feel tense and attempt to sound confident despite your obvious anxiety. Your voice oozes nervousness. Your attempts at humor feel forced and she senses that. An awkward silence follows. She politely excuses herself and tells you she will call you back. She never does.
As for the second position: You feel at ease and in turn, your voice flows smoothly. Jokes and funny anecdotes come naturally to you. Before you know it, the both of you are laughing away. You feel confident enough to ask her to meet and she accepts.
Position 2 is more conducive towards having a freely flowing, relaxed conversation on the phone. This is because, once you consciously adopt a relaxed stance, after a couple of minutes the hormones being released by the endocrine glands in your body are different. In turn, you will begin to feel relaxed and this is reflected in the way you talk to her. Now that we’ve covered why body language is important, let’s explore some ways to improve your body language.
Tips to improve your body language
1. Eye Contact
Your eyes communicate authenticity and sincerity. A steady gaze indicates that your are telling the truth, whereas looking away reveals that you are nervous or worse, lying. Eye contact also represents your level of confidence.
Imagine yourself entering the gym after a long time. As you struggle to pump iron, you observe a musclebound hulk lifting twice your weight with half the effort. Your eyes meet and you cannot help but look away to avoid seeming confrontational. Though it was not intentional in this case, whenever someone undermines our confidence, we flinch and break eye contact.
You could put on a show about you’re supposedly cool and confident, but you can never feign authenticity, because your eyes will always give you away. Have you ever observed someone blatantly lying? Perhaps it was a nervous twitch of the eyelid or darting eyes which betrayed the lie? The first area analyzed by criminal psychologists when playing back interrogation tapes is the optical area. That is how crucial our eyes are.
Similarly, by engaging a woman with laser-focused eye contact, you sub-communicate enthusiasm, passion, determination and desire. Every woman wants a man with those qualities, and it’s up to you to demonstrate those through your eyes. This will take time to develop, but eventually you will want to send this message, “Hi, I want to engage in a conversation with you and am comfortable in doing so.”
The stance that you want to possess is posture that is relaxed, confident and assertive. Always take up space but not too much that you overcompensate. For example, draping your arm on the chair next to you is fine, but not spreading your legs wide apart too, that’s overkill.
Since attraction literally means to pull someone towards you, don’t do the opposite and lean forward. Can you imagine a needy person shoving their face towards you and hanging on to your every word for dear life? Surely that’s not the kind of man a confident woman would want to date.
Speaking of dates, you’ll have to introduce yourself to a woman before you even get that far, buddy. When approaching a woman in an open area such as the street or the dance floor, always approach from the front with your back straight and torso parallel to hers (face her head on). This conveys confidence and intent. You will definitely want to stop her, get her attention and engage in a conversation with her rather than put in a half-hearted attempt by approaching her from the side. You may even end up startling her.
Do remember, player, on the street there is no way a pretty girl is going to come up to you and introduce herself. That burden falls to you, so go into this situation with purpose and intent. She has to know why you are stopping her in order to respond, or better, reciprocate.
3. Hand Gestures
Hand gestures are always good for communicating expressiveness and to underline the content of your words. A visual accompaniment to speech often helps to drive the point home and engage the audience (in this case, a girl).
Keep your movements fluid and smooth. Sudden, jerky movements should be kept to a minimum or not used until she is more comfortable with you. If used in a quiet, calm setting (in a coffee shop, on the street) this is a sure-fire way to be labelled as a spastic creep.
What are some steps to take?
You, my friend, have the power to get out there and change your body language to that of a champion. Here’s what you can do to go from chump to champ. This will not be easy, but it is going to be worth it. Our true body language is always revealed in difficult situations, but I don’t expect you to go into these without a proper warm up, as doing so will demolish your confidence.
You should practice talking to girls in low pressure situations first, (by herself in a quiet venue) until you cultivate the confidence to throw yourself into high pressure situations (with her friends/bystanders). The more you work at this, the sooner it will become second nature.
Do not do this alone, my friend.Get a buddy to observe your body language, because you’ll be engaged in the conversation and trying to pay attention to your own body in the midst of this will pressurise you. Ask him to film you or at least watch you from a distance, and ask for his observations and feedback so you can work on it.
This process will be far from a simple task and learning from your mistakes on your own isn’t always easy. Feel free to join The Social Gym and let us improve your game from the ground up. In the words of Lao Tzu, “The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.” Go get em, player!
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