What to Text a Girl: Quick Tips
If you’ve ever gotten a girl’s number or have been texting a girl for a while now, I’m sure you’ve heard that there’s a rule on how often you should be replying her—something like, if she takes five minutes to reply, take five minutes; if she takes one hour to reply, take one hour. If you’ve been doing that, STOP! Throw whatever you know about what to text a girl out the window now. How to text a girl is really a strategic operation.
You don’t want to become her “Text Buddy”
(At least not before meeting her at least once.)
In the past, after I got the number, I would text girls for at least a week over dragged out periods of time before asking them out. My “game plan” was basically to build comfort, and get to know them over text before asking them out so that they would be more comfortable meeting me. But then I realized I wasn’t getting results. The girls I was texting would be replying well, but whenever I asked them out, they would give excuses, or just totally ignore the question. This was very frustrating. I thought that if they got to know me, they would be more likely to agree to come out.
I was wrong.
I had become their “text buddy”. Basically, someone to chat with when they were bored, and because our conversations were dragged out, they could just reply whenever they felt like it without a break in the flow of conversation. I wasn’t just friend-zoned. I was text-friend-zoned. I had to figure out what to text a girl in order to get her out on a date.
I took it back to the drawing board to see where I had gone wrong. And then I noticed a pattern, the girls seemed to reply more frequently if the conversation was fun. Whenever I started to introduce fun scenarios into the conversation, they would reply very frequently—even if they were busy. So what really constitutes a “fun” conversation? I’ll get to that in a bit.
Most guys, they “stick” around even when there’s no point. In a way, this is a display of neediness. Have you ever found yourself wanting to constantly check your phone to see if she has replied? I used to be like that, and I tried to occupy my time doing something else. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. But because most of your conversations are mundane and normal, the girl doesn’t feel compelled to reply immediately. There is no vibe to contribute to, and even if she takes a long time to reply, it doesn’t kill the conversation.
My new blueprint for texting focuses instead on encouraging short bursts of conversation (flow texting), where instead of texting back and forth over the course of an entire day, I would perhaps only be texting her for one hour a day, but the replies would be frequent and, more importantly, it would be fun—leaving a more lasting impression. And it is during these short “bursts” of conversation that I would ask her out.
So starting from the beginning, after you get the number, you might be wondering when and what to text the girl.
What to Text a Girl: How many hours after to text
For me, I don’t usually wait a specific number of hours to text her. I do it when I have a period of time when there’s nothing to do, such as sitting on the train or bus, or if I’m just lounging around at home. Or if it’s a number I get from a club, I would just text around the time I know she’s going home, if not just the general time that the club closes.
The reason for doing this is so that I can hold a text conversation with her without constant distractions that might break the vibe. So that’s the general rule that I adhere to in terms of when to text her.
Also, another “rule” that I stick to (that you don’t necessarily need to follow) is to only text girls in the afternoon onwards. Don’t ask me why I do this, it’s just a personal thing. I feel that unless you are important, most people aren’t ready to have casual conversations in the morning. The best time to text a girl would be around late afternoons or at night.
What to Text a Girl
“Ok, now that I know when to text her, I still don’t know what to text a girl?”
My personal guide line is: keep it light, fun, and non needy. Focus on the goal. In fact, my content can be so random or absurd that it doesn’t make sense, yet it triggers a curious response. Even on the first text, I usually send something that assumes a conversation. Either something that continues from where the approach ended, or just anything random. An example of a first text that I send would be, “OMG I almost died!” There is absolutely no context, no pretext, but in a way it generates intrigue, and encourages a response. From there, based on how long she takes to reply, you know if she’s free to chat. If she replies quickly, you can then carry on, or cut into another random topic, or ask her how her day is.
But that being said, it shouldn’t be overused. Or if you do decide to use it every time you send an opening text, you should back it up with an interesting story and keep an interesting conversation thread. The important thing about texting a girl is you want to cover two aspects: intrigue, and emotions. If you can hit these two aspects in just an hour of back-and-forth texting, you’re good to go.
What to Text a Girl: Create Intrigue
What intrigue does is keep her invested in the conversation. It can be overt or subtle. Sometimes I like to talk vaguely about unimportant stuff, and when she asks about it I just tell her it’s nothing, or “I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you.” And then just never tell her ever. Sometimes it’s really nothing, but if you can generate intrigue and curiosity, you’ll definitely have her engaged in the conversation. Creating mystery is another way to create intrigue. Speak vaguely, and focus on the vibe of the interaction. Make sure, she is sufficiently engaged in the interaction if not she’s just not going to bother, and fall away.
Thinking about what to text a girl can be really stressful. I will grabany opportunity to ask the girl out. “If you want to find out, I’ll tell you over coffee.”
Be playful. Tease her a lot. Use humor in the conversation. Don’t worry about how long she takes to reply, or how quickly you should reply. Focus on having fun. If you are having fun, it is likely that she is too. In that case, just go with the flow of the conversation.
What to Text a Girl: Incite Emotions
Hitting all the different emotions in the spectrum during the text is hard, and actually not very advisable. For texting, you want to focus more on positive emotions. If you move into negative emotions, she might stop texting you. So just stay on the light, fluffy side of things.
Role-playing is very powerful in texting to generate positive emotions. If you’re both vibing well, and flirting a lot (whether friendly, or sexual), introducing role-play will help bring the interaction to the next level. Role-playing is just a fun way of conversing with the girl, and it also creates the “You and Me” dynamics in the interaction that is so crucial for romantic attraction.
So now that you have a rough idea of how your texts should look like, what other important points should you take note of?
What to Text a Girl: Future Projections
What is a “future projection”? Basically planting the idea of meeting her in the near future by suggesting possible activities you both can do together. Since you are not directly asking her out, she would not be likely to reject you. Especially in the context of role-play, if you seamlessly blend role-play and future projections together, you are pretty much suggesting a future meet up without requiring a direct “yes” or “no” answer right away.
But at some point, you DO want to ask her out explicitly. Future projections are only useful to plant the idea of meeting up and letting her get used to the idea, but that alone will not get her out. The only way to do so is by asking. And there are a few things to take note when asking a girl out.
1. Cut The Crap
If you did a normal approach, you would have ended with “We should grab a drink sometime.” Depending on how “solid” the interaction went, I would ask her within the first few texts (sometimes even setting the meet-up on the first text). You don’t want to waste too much time texting her if you can go for the meet-up quick. However, if she is clearly not entirely comfortable with the idea of meeting up yet, you should build a bit of comfort before asking her out. But don’t take an entire week. One day should be enough. If she refuses or ignores your suggestion to meet up, just say ok, and carry on as though it didn’t happen.
2. Ask At The High Points
I found out that the best moment to ask a girl out is when the conversation is at its highest point (climax). Basically when she’s having the most fun talking to you. It only makes sense to do so. I don’t think I have to explain why. That’s why having short bursts of fun conversation is better than long, dragged-out boring conversations, because even if it’s short, if she’s having fun, you can ask her out quickly.
3. Be Casual
You don’t want to make it seem like a huge affair to meet up. But that said, you want to make your intentions clear. Make it a casual coffee date. And I especially avoid meeting the girl for dinner on the first date (too formal), and so I usually suggest after-dinner coffee, dessert, or drinks.
In fact, sometimes I would mention that I have absolutely nothing to do and am just lounging around town and if she would like to join me. While this works very rarely, there are still occasions when she would meet me. This is the ultimate casual meeting—you’re just doing your own thing and casually asking if she would like to join you. The thing is, you have to balance asking the girl out as often as possible without seeming too persistent. To do that, bring her into your fun, make her WANT to meet you.
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